Have you ever been accused of being a flake? Me too! It was painful. Why? Because it came from a man I was in love with, even though our marriage was on the rocks. He was scared, and even though he admitted later, “I no longer think you are a flake,” those words somehow crept into my subconscious (coming from someone I loved and trusted,) challenging me to prove to anyone who doubted me that I was ok. So my naysayers had moved into my subconscious without me even knowing!
Then one day I noticed my handwriting. Handwriting? Yes. My mother was a graphologist, and while I was growing up she told me a number of things that weren’t commonly known about handwriting. In Europe, handwriting analysis is a required course in any college – much like Basic English or mathematical skills. That added an air of legitimacy that made it a real science. It IS a real science. Wow. That’s already enlightening. If you could tell if someone had low self esteem, or dishonest tendencies that could be really useful. Back then, I always wondered, “Could we change who we are, by changing our handwriting?”
My mother always answered with the same response, “Yes, but it would take a concerted effort!” Well here I was, noticing that my handwriting was showing that all that self-esteem I had as a child had gone downhill, and I knew a way to fix it!
So I began practicing my handwriting for 20-30 minutes each day. It took me six months but I was able to do it! What was the tell tale sign letting me know that my self-esteem was at an all time low? It’s the way you cross your letter T. In my case, it was the height of crossing of the letter T. (Too low, you are dealing with low self -expectations, crossing at the top of the T –very high self expectations.) As a child, I had always crossed my T’s very close to the top of the letter. If you want to improve your odds of improving your life – study handwriting – and you’ll be surprised at the results of your dedication.
Now I could move on to dealing with those naysayers who were real people, not just the voices in my head! The first step is to realize you don’t have to convince them! That’s always a shock – that you could actually be ok with them thinking that (flakey stuff) about you. Next, encourage them to be right – no matter what. Then give them room to change their mind. How? Try saying, “I champion your right to believe that as long as it pleases you.” It always catches the accuser off guard. They are expecting an argument – or discussion from you on the merits of your belief or experiences. They don’t expect you to agree with their statements quite so easily. Some of your friends may even enjoy the discussion – and the interaction of compelling ideas. Here’s what happens when you offer that statement right away after they accuse you of believing in something that they don’t believe… they will actually back up (often physically, but always mentally) – and hesitate, and then usually open their heart – and mind with a question! You now have an opening for a real heart to heart discussion. Wonderful.
Finally, never, ever share your “weird ideas” with another person who needs your information unless they have asked you a second time. That’s right; make them ask for your “wisdom” twice. Why? The first time they are noticing you are different and their mind is working to sort that out. The second time – they ask, whether it’s a week, or a month or more later – they have actually opened their heart and their mind. Now they are ready to hear you.
When someone asks you why you are always so peaceful, or kind, or that you seemed to have changed lately remember this admonition. Tell some sweet short version like, “Oh, I spent the weekend doing a meditation course.” And then quickly change the subject – “Hey, where should we go for dinner?” When they are ready they will insist you tell them what you are up to. By waiting, you’ll have created fertile ground to receive your wisdom!
