Be the first to laugh at yourself. Be the first to make the joke on you. Then your detractors won’t want to do this. You’ve taken away their desire to make you look bad, or wrong or silly. There’s no fun for them if you agree with them! If you say it first, then they would have to agree with you! And they probably don’t want to agree with you on anything! If they manage to do this first, then you agree and escalate. Make it so big it is funny! Exaggeration is a form of humor – and will give you the opportunity to laugh at yourself with them!
Perhaps they call you irrational. Sometimes family and friends are irrational. You can laugh and say, “Me! What about you?” When they try to convince you that they are the “sane” one, laugh again, and say, everyone is irrational some of the time. Don’t try to defend yourself. Instead, power up YOU by saying there is tons of research on why people don’t think for themselves and act irrationally! There is a need for many people who have yet to claim their power, to validate outside of themselves. Any detractor is looking for a way to validate their own beliefs. Maybe you share this need, looking for validation outside of you.
Your detractors may be the ones who are looking for validation. They might have heard some of the things you have spoken of. They are curious but they are not ready to be convinced. They might want you to be right and are afraid that you are right. Wait until they bring these things up a second time, and then discuss more openly. The first time someone asks about alternative matters, they are curious, and they have opened their mind. The second time they ask, they have opened their heart (non-judgmental) and will be ABLE to receive your information. Be gentle, be slow, be kind and be funny.
They want to believe in something, but they want an outside authority to tell them what to believe. They KNOW you so you are not an outside authority! However, you can change that.
When you VALIDATE them, you are giving them power to choose. How will you do this?
Decide that they have a right to their belief system. When they challenge you and your belief system, you can say, “I champion your right to hold that belief as long as it pleases you.” This gives them your vote of confidence and gives them room to grow and change. It also says to them, when (not if) you change your mind, I’ll have your back then too!
If necessary, you can add, “I hope you’ll do the same for me.” Most times, that is not necessary. When someone expects you to do something more, you can say, I understand why you think that, or say that, or want that … BUT I have decided this. Validate the other person first – then you have made a safe space for them to disagree with you.
Most people want agreeableness, and do not understand that agreeableness could mean they have stepped out of their power. Many people do not think for themselves because they have not been taught to think critically. All the sciences teach critical thinking – but the arts have not. So sometimes your experience of others not seeing what you see, is because they have never been taught to think in a way that allows them to come to their own conclusions. They rely on ot
Here’s a quiz for you. What’s the difference between people who have what they want and those that don’t? When you cannot have what you want, you want what you cannot have.
When you have what you want, you don’t want everything you can have!
So how to flip the equation, and get everything you want? Start thanking the universe for everything you do have. Start thanking the people around you for everything you can receive. Chose to be grateful for all the good that has come your way. Find the silver lining in every cloud!
This is why so many people will tell you that one of the ways to manifest is to stay in gratitude. But I get ahead of myself. Sometimes you are stuck with a bunch of things in your pipeline that you “wanted” but now have changed your mind. What will you do about that? That’s going to slow things down too! So, really the first order of business is to stop “wanting” everything you see! How will you do this?
I started with a simple exercise of setting aside $100 for myself. It took a while, in those early years, when there was barely enough to go around, but I took my time (many weeks) till I had pulled enough “spare change” from my grocery and gas money to convert it to a $100 bill.
Next, I put it into my wallet in a special place. A large bill like that is very easy to spot – when you aren’t holding a bunch of them! I then told myself I could “have” anything I wanted with that money. Amazingly, now that I had “money to spend” I didn’t want to spend it! I was choosey about how badly I wanted or needed that special item. It moved me from being one who wants what I cannot have to one who can have anything I want, and doesn’t want everything!
Another way you move into “anything you want” is to change your focus, your locus, on bill paying. Do the same thing – and start to set aside enough, so that you could pay your bills whenever you want. What’s the difference between people who live from week to week or month to month and those who are well off? Those who have resources pay their bills whenever they want.
Finally, when I would get a “surprise” bill that I wasn’t expecting, I would say, “I wonder what the universe knows that I don’t know! I wonder how this will get paid!” It keeps you out of worry and in a positive role of expectation! That seeds a positive response.
When you just don’t seem to get what you want, maybe your home or office is just too cluttered. Maybe you have too much stuff, and could use a little de-cluttering. I used to wonder what does that word mean? It means you let go of everything you don’t absolutely love! How can you do that? I always loved everything I had!
Start by making a list of all the things you love. Then look at everything you kind of love, but don’t REALLY love. Decide you could release some of those things! I did that one year as we decorated the Christmas tree. I wanted to pare down my ornament collection, but couldn’t bear to do it! I had so many memories. How could I part with any of them?
Each year I had given myself permission to purchase one new box of ornaments. Then one year I inherited the large box of ornaments my mother had for the tree that we enjoyed while growing up. I announced to my four sons, we are going to decorate this tree, and every ornament you unwrap, you have to decide if you really love it. If you don’t, you get to decide that we aren’t keeping it. If you are the one who unwraps it, you are the decider.
I had a large laundry basket for the “give-away” ornaments. At the end of the decorating party, the laundry basket was full, and the tree still looked wonderful. One of my sons, in an attempt to tease said, “See that ornament on the tree, pointing to a random ornament, “I don’t really love that one!” We all had a good laugh.
I wear a lot of semi-precious stones for their energy. I do like them, but last year I decided I should pare down my collection. I gave a lot away to friends and family. Then I took a box of rings with me to an event and passed the box around for the ladies to help themselves! Two weeks later, a friend invited me over to her house, and said, “I’ve cleaned out my rings and want you to have these.” There were at least 30 “new” rings. She said, “Take what you want and give the rest away; I’m not wearing them anymore.” I think the universe likes me wearing rings, and I was able to inherit new rings and to share them with others a second time!
How do you let go? Well, I ask for clarity and then I ask to see what is it that I really, really want. Sometimes we think we want something – but we really are just coveting it – or yearning for it, not necessarily needing it. You decide what pleases you. Just deciding it may make the difference between success and nothing. So, take a moment to decide what you really, really want, and tell the universe in a letter. Tell the universe it is the most important thing you could want, no matter what. Then be prepared to let everything else go!
How do you let go when you are ready, but not able to sell something of value that you truly are done with? Release the energy you have put into it. Release the good and the not so good. Release the desire for an outcome. Release the need to have it happen a certain way or with a certain person.